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Feeling Guilty About Working and Leaving My Kids

[Posted July 19th, 2010] by KimRuchAlegant

I have a conflict-I want to work, I don’t want to work

I know I have felt conflict because I wanted or needed to be working, but I also wanted and needed to be with my children.  This leads to feeling very unfulfilled, because we are never present.  At work our thoughts are with our children and when with our children our thoughts are at work.  Or we feel like we are doing so many things, but we are not doing any of them well.  This leads to more guilt and frustration.

Below are some suggested tapping sequences for these feelings.  Feel free to change the wording for your particular situation, and to do the rounds more than once.  The more you tap, the more relief you will get.  I suggest you tap more on the positive aspects, unless you have some very powerful reactions to the negative aspects.  In that case, keep working on the negative until you feel you have processed it. (If you don’t know how to do this, click here for a video or here for a picture)

KC:  Even though I have this conflict, I want to work, want to be with my kids, I love and accept myself anyway Guilt feels so bad, I don’t want to feel it anymore, maybe I’m ready to let it go.  I accept who I am and how I feel.  Even though I feel the guilt in my body, I love and accept my body anyway

Tapping:
TH: These guilty feelings in my body
EB: If only I didn’t have to work-but I like to work, need to work, I spent all that time in school
SE: I feel guilty but I accept my feelings and they are okay
UE: I like my job but hate leaving my kids
UN: I’m so glad I don’t feel guilty anymore. Yeah right.  I still feel guilty.
CH: Don’t want to let go of my guilt bc I deserve to be punished for leaving them
CB: It’s safe to let go of the guilt. No, it’s not safe to get it go.
UA: I’m carrying around all this guilt because I work. Why do I have to work? Because I need the job. 
TH: My source wants me to give up my guilt.  I intend to get relief from my guilty feelings starting right now

Take a deep breath. Take a drink of water.

If particular thought, emotion or reaction came up, you should make a note of it, and then you can tap on it some more, making up your own phrases. Don’t get caught up in the language.  Just say what you feel, and you will begin working through the emotions.  Once you’re ready, move on to the sequences below.

POSITIVE TAPPING:
TH: I deserve to have what I want!
EB: I can imagine having what I want
SE: I allow myself to have what I want
UE: I can work if I want to
UN: I don’t need to feel guilty about this anymore. 
CB: I like working, and that’s okay
UA: If I let it go, something might change
TH: My kids have turned out pretty damn good
EB: Their faults are their own, they are not because I work
SE: I am enough, there is enough, I’m doing enough
UE: I’m doing the best I can and it is enough
UN: I forgive me, him, her
CB: I accept responsibility for going to work.  It is not damaging my children.
UA: I love feeling good about working
TH: I’m okay just how I am. I accept who I am and how I feel. I love this freedom to feel good.

Take a deep breath. Take a drink of water.  Try to do a couple of tapping rounds each and every day.  If you tap while going to the bathroom, it will help keep you feeling good throughout the day.  You don’t need to say anything.  But you can spend time working with words as well.  Just don’t let the words stop you from tapping.

To register for our "Release Mommy Guilt and Get Your Life Back", click here


Another Way To Tap Away Stress

[Posted September 15th, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

A couple of months ago, I wrote about a method of stress relief where you make a list of things that are stressing you right now, and you begin to tap on them. Hopefully the tapping begins to reveal events in your past that still have an emotional charge (which means they are still affecting you today), and when you tap on that past event, you release the charge.  The event becomes a non-issue.

See, the thing is, all events are really neutral.  It is YOU who decides whether an event is positive or negative, by your interpretation and your reaction to it.  Or it is the people around us, and we tend to go along with how they feel.  For instance, getting fired from a job may be a horrid thing to one person, but to another it may be a blessing.  The same with a divorce. 

The important thing to remember is that it is YOU who controls your response to a situation.  You can decide to become angry and harbor resentment, or you can decide to recognize that the person who made you so mad was only doing the best that they could, and did not hurt you on purpose.

I know, it is easy to sit here with my computer and write such things.  But once you start to apply it to your life, it is very freeing.  Everything in life is about choice.  Some people are natural optimists, or natural pessimists (is the glass half full or half empty?)  BUT, just because you tend to be one or the other, does not mean that the pessimist cannot turn over a new leaf and begin to make a conscious effort to see things in a more positive light.  I know, because I am a natural born pessimist.  But over the last few years I have begun to be more positive about things.  Of course, in times of stress it is easy to revert to my old ways.  That is why it is important to have constant reminders that it is I who choose my reactions to things.  It is I who chooses whether the glass is half full or half empty.

A guy who does a lot of thinking about being positive (or should I say staying positive) is Jon Gordon.  I saw him speak at the eWomenNetwork conference a few years ago, and bought what I think was his first book called The Energy Addict.  Jon Gordon has written several books about how to be positive (i.e. keep you energy spiraling up instead of down), how to stay positive, and how to hang around with positive people, and how all of this will affect your life for the better.  In fact, I think most, if not all, of the self-help gurus write and talk about how your mindset affects your life. 

Zig Ziglar and even Jeffrey Gittomer (who wrote awesome sales training books) talk about how it is your attitude, or your thoughts, mindset, reactions (whatever you want to call it) which really affect your life and outcomes in your life.  The more positive things you can see in your mind, the more positive things will actually happen outside of your mind.  I don’t mean hallucinating.  I mean interpreting events in a positive way.  This also leads to being able to see the next step.  Like, where to go from here.

So what does tapping (EFT) have to do with any of this?  When you find yourself stuck in focusing on the glass being half empty, you can use tapping to change your energy and change your thoughts about what is going, and so reduce your stress levels (and get that energy spiraling back up).  So, you can tap on “even though I am feeling negative right now, I choose to turn it around and begin to feel positive”, “I choose to see the glass half full”, “even though I can’t see what is good about this situation, I choose to know that soon I will recognize the positive” and other similar phrases.  Or, I choose to start releasing my anger now.

The trick really is remembering to use the tools you have in your toolbox (tapping and others) to make yourself feel better.  The self-help gurus all say to write things on post-its and hang it on your bathroom mirror.  Jeffrey Gittomer even has a system where when something is a goal, it goes on the bathroom mirror.  Once the goal has been achieved, the post-it goes on your bedroom mirror, to remind you of what you have accomplished, and help you feel good.  To help yourself remember to tap, you could always do the post-it method, but hang them where you think you’ll have the opportunity to tap.  If you can tap while you’re on the phone, hang one there.  If you can tap while you are driving, put a post-it in the car.

How are you going to remind yourself to use your positive attitude tools?  Do it now!


The End Of All Problems

[Posted July 21st, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

We have a guest author this month.  This version of the article is a longer one than is in the email newsletter.  The italics are the tapping sequences. 

By Margaret Munoz – EFT Practitioner

The end of all problems.

How could that be possible?

And yet it is, when we’re able to access ‘the most important dimension of human existence – the sacred, the stillness, the formless, the divine’. 

If you’re new to EFT you could be grateful to discover that EFT fixes your headache in three minutes, or that you’re now free of the anxiety caused by a past trauma.  This is indeed wonderful, but what is even more wonderful is that EFT can also be used at the most profound level to help you bring about a shift in consciousness so that you experience peace, joy and fulfilment.

Humanity is now taking a quantum leap forward in its evolutionary development and one of the leading teachers in this development is Eckharte Tolle, the author of “The Power of Now” and “The New Earth”.  Following his own experience of transformation he is a particularly clear teacher of ancient wisdoms.  We learn from these teachings that the ultimate freedom is to live the realisation that all problems are created in the mind and that there are no problems when you access the eternal present. 

The freedom bit sounds great, so does peace, joy and fulfilment but how on earth do you get to feel like that when you’re busy, stressed to the hilt, dashing around with ‘to do’ lists in your head, trying to pay the rent or mortgage, look after the kids, deal with difficult relationships, the technology revolution, information overload, as well as battle fears, anxieties and addictions.  Let’s not even mention the incessant critical voice in your head.  Does it ever stop?

It’s difficult to know where to begin but a good place would be to make a decision to create some space for yourself and at the same time make a commitment to support yourself by consistently tapping on whatever obstacles are in your path.  Use your preferred method of tapping and let the suggestions I give you trigger off your own tapping sequences. 

First of all, make that decision!

Even though I’m so busy and stressed, and I don’t see any way out of it, I choose to find space and time for myself.

Even though I’m so busy with _______ (work deadlines/business/family/travelling/social commitments etc.) that I don’t have time for myself, I deeply and completely accept myself in this moment.

It’s really pretty difficult to find any stillness when you’re always on the move:

Even though I always seem to be rushing, I choose to STOP, and create space for myself.

After all, what are you achieving by all this doing?  That’s a question a great many apparently successful people ask themselves.  There can be great wealth or great achievement but despite this there is still an underlying unease or emptiness persists. 

Even though I feel the need to be doing and achieving, I choose to learn how to just be.

Then there’s that racing mind to be calmed down:

Even though my head is full of thoughts whizzing around which never stop, I’m ready to let them go or at least slow down. 

Even though I can’t sleep because my mind won’t switch off, I deeply and completely accept myself.

I find that many people are so up in their heads they are quite disconnected from their bodies and even have a sense of experiencing their emotions in their head instead of their body.

Even though I’m disconnected from my body I choose to become more grounded and connected.

There are a couple of difficulties associated with living in your mind.  The first one is that you are either in the past or the future, neither of which actually exist, and not in the present moment which is all there ever is.  No wonder you don’t feel vibrant and alive – you’re not where life is!

Even though my mind is always in the past, regretting things that happened, I choose to live in the moment.

Even though my mind is so often in the past relieving traumatic events, I choose to release the past and recognise it no longer exists except in my mind. 

When your mind is in the future it tends to do what I call ‘catastrophising’.  I don’t think that’s actually a word but I know you know what I mean by it!  All those ‘what ifs’ that scare the living daylights out of you.  The thing is you can’t possibly deal with the imagined scenario because it hasn’t actually happened yet.  How stressful is that?!

Even though my mind is always creating anxiety for me by imagining the future, I choose to stay in the present moment with what is here now.

Even though I’m always creating worst case scenarios in my head, I choose to stay with what is real. 

The second difficulty is that you tend to actually believe your thoughts, some of which are at best highly un-useful and at worst totally untrue.   Your thoughts are just passing through and it really pays to examine whether they are really true. 

Even though I buy into my thoughts and react accordingly without ever examining them to see if they are true, I totally accept myself. 

Even though I think thoughts such as “I don’t deserve _______,” I recognise that this is truly misguided thinking.  

Yes, our mind is all over the place and usually not where we are.  Check out what happens when you are doing a routine job like washing the dishes – the odds are you will find your mind elsewhere, on a track far removed from washing up.  And what about when you drive somewhere, arrive at your destination and wonder how you got there because your mind was totally on other things!

Even though my body is doing one thing but my mind is elsewhere, I choose to bring my awareness back to the task I am doing. 

Even though I’m so seldom in the present moment with what I am doing, I keep bringing my awareness back to my body. 

The major difficulty we seem to create in our lives is that we don’t like what is happening, think it shouldn’t be happening and are actively resistant and reactionary to what is happening!  We do it on a small scale like being annoyed because it is raining when we wanted to have a picnic as well as going into a huge funk because we feel rejected by someone.  Some people are so reactive they kill other people – or themselves, because we are also resistant and reactive to ourselves (i.e. rejecting of our own selves).  That critical voice that never takes a break – “you should have done this, you shouldn’t have said that, you are such a loser.”  We have little sense of the power of acceptance in creating the change that we seek.

Even though I’m so reactive to situations and people, I choose to accept how they are no matter how difficult it seems. 

Even though I fight my life, I’m willing to totally accept it as it is.  (You might have to do a lot of tapping on this one!)

Even though I think that things will never change if I accept them, I’m ready to discover the power of acceptance.

When you can start to accept each moment for however it is and however you are in it, then peace emerges. 

It’s quite a journey to recognise that ultimately there are no problems except the ones created in your mind and you can be free of those when you live in the present moment, experiencing your eternal nature.   EFT is a powerful and effective tool that you can use to support yourself in this journey.    

***********

Margaret Munoz specialises in assisting people to live an extraordinary life and use their skills and talents to make a difference in the world.  Her exceptional skills and knowledge have been gained from 25 years of exploration, learning and study in the fields of human potential, personal and spiritual development, and wholistic health.  She shares these with people who want to live more consciously and experience peace, joy and fulfilment in their lives.

She is the author of ‘The Power of Tapping”, a comprehensive guide to using EFT to create a stress-free life, and ‘Create Prosperity’, a guided journey to overcoming financial worries. 

Margaret’s amazing ability to get to the crux of the matter, her finely honed intuition and warm, insightful nature make her a powerful catalyst for change, and her clients appreciate the tangible results.

Website: www.tangibleresults.com.au  Email: margaret@tangibleresults.com.au Phone: 612 9713 1956


Are Feelings of Shame Affecting Your Entire Life, and You Don’t Even Realize It?

[Posted April 8th, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

I am taking an on-line course by one of the contributors to The Secret, Bill Harris of Centerpointe.  I highly recommend his three online courses.  They really make you think about how you look at life, your values, and how you can achieve everything you want to achieve. It’s recorded so I can listen when I have time.  I have to say I’ve taken probably close to a year off of it, to become a Certified Energy Coach and to launch my businesses of a healing practice and a law practice.  But it felt like time to get back to it, so I did.

One aspect of the lesson I listened to this week dealt with shame.  One of the statements that really caught my attention was something like:  Doing personal development over underlying feelings of shame is like building a house on a foundation of sand.  This struck me as profound.  Is this why some people (I know of several) go from program to program, spending tons of money, hoping to find whatever it is they need to start feeling better?  But it never happens!  Is their shame sabotaging everything they are trying to accomplish?

Bill Harris says the problem with shame is that it can be buried so deeply that we are unaware that it is even there-because we are so ashamed, we don’t want to face it.  We don’t realize we even feel ashamed, and so we can’t process the emotion and let it go. 

Some people hide their shame behind anger, feelings of never being good enough, feeling undeserving of love or money (because they are such a bad person), or other ways like overeating or other addictions (drugs, drinking, smoking, etc.).

Most, if not all of us were shamed as children.  I’d say some of our parents did it intentionally, others did it without really meaning to, but they still did it.  Haven’t you ever yelled at or scolded your child and she seemed to shrink in on herself?  Bet she was feeling ashamed of herself.  Did she internalize that feeling at that time?  Maybe.  Lots of the emotional garbage we carry with us is a result of things that happened when we were wounded as small children.  That child inside of you can be healed with energy healing.

What are you ashamed of?  How do you think those feelings of shame (the ones you know of, or those that are buried) are affecting other aspects of your life?  Because you can be assured that they are.  Any disruption in your energy field (in this case caused by repressed shame) affects all aspects of your life.  So, think about it, journal about it, do some tapping about it (see my website for the points to tap), and call me if you can’t seem to find it, or can’t seem to process it.

Go start releasing that shame, and let me know how it is going!


Life is hard. Right?

[Posted February 3rd, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

Well, it’s true isn’t it?  Life is hard.  There’s so much to do, so little time.  I don’t have enough hands, or I need to be able to clone myself to get it all done. 

Haven’t we all said many of these and more to ourselves at one time or another?

Well, I have finally come around to the idea that what we think is what we get.  It’s the old “glass half empty” thing, and it’s not just for pessimists any more.  Wait, maybe it is, but it’s just that all of us who feel overwhelmed and underappreciated ARE pessimists.

I mean, all of the richest men in the world, like Warren Buffet (Jimmy Buffet even) and Bill Gates only have the same 24 hours in a day that all of us women have.  Yeah, you say, but they have wives at home to do it “all”-whatever “it” is. But hey, maybe their wives do work and they just HIRE someone to do all that stuff.

That’s what Loral Langemeier, The Millionaire Maker, says to do.  She says that once you start making SOME money, you need to invest some of it in yourself by paying someone to do those annoying, time consuming chores and errands.  She says, how many millionaires do you think do their own laundry and pick up their own dry cleaning?  Not many.  Their time is too valuable, and is better spent ringing the cash register in the business than folding their undies.

What does this have to do with life being hard?  It’s all about our perception, and all about how we talk to ourselves, in the privacy of our own minds.  Some people are brutal on themselves.  If they can’t manage to make home cooked meals, do the laundry and have the house spotless while working 60 hours a week, they feel like a failure.  Get real!

It’s time to change our perception that life is hard.  For those of us with jobs, homes, and families, life is not hard.  Challenging at times, maybe.  People living in a war zone, homeless, in an abusive situation, or starving—now life is hard for those people, and no rose colored glasses are going to make it better.  But even the perception of those people living in a dangerous situation can take a positive spin-and I’ll bet some of them do think that way.  If they can live through today, tomorrow will be better, or something to that effect.  In the Nazi concentration camps, there had to be optimists, or the rest of them would have just given up.

So those of us living privileged lives really need to get over our ideas that life is hard, we have too much to do, etc.  At least we have more to worry about than where our next meal is coming from, or where we are going to sleep tonight.  It’s time to change our perception of our lives.

Where am I going with this?  Energy healing, of course.  How we talk to ourselves is greatly influenced by what we learned as children, and by any traumatic events we survived.  How we talk to ourselves is based on our beliefs.  We have both “good” beliefs that support us and “negative” beliefs that bring us down.  Gary Craig, founder of EFT, calls this the “writing on your walls” in your mind.  The writing is always there, whether you are consciously reading it or not.  Your unconscious is always reading it.  Energy healing modalities such as EFT, ETHOS and Z Point can be used to erase or change the harmful beliefs, and replace them with beliefs that will serve you well in life.

So start paying attention to how you talk to yourself.  Do you tell yourself you’ll never get it done, or you don’t have enough time?  Or you’ll never succeed, never make enough money?  The universe says, “your wish is my command!”  Try reframing your self talk to use positive phrases, and you will be amazed at how much easier life seems, without actually changing a thing!

Life is easy, right?

© 2009 Freedom Healing and Wellness LLC

abstract:  We spend a lot of our lives telling ourselves that life is hard.  How do we change our thoughts to life is easy?  Energy coaching can help.

By Kimberly Ruch-Alegant, Certified Energy Coach, and Owner of Freedom Healing and Wellness, LLC.  We offer individual and group energy coaching services in person and via telephone using EFT, Z Point, and ETHOS Method.  Find us on the web at www.FreedomHealingandWellness.com.  Telephone 215-357-6474.  We also offer introductory energy work classes.  Keynote speaking is available.


What Negative Yuck Are You Carrying Around?

[Posted February 1st, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

 We all have had negative experiences in our lives.  Sometimes we easily shake off those experiences and move on, unaffected.  Other times, those bad experiences stay with us.

 Did anything ever happen to you that you just can’t get out of your mind?  Maybe you don’t think about it constantly, but it pops up when you least expect it (and always when you do expect it) to make you feel yucky (could be depressed, hurt, angry etc.).  Or can you think of a situation where just thinking about it gives you a headache or makes your stomach hurt?

 The memories of these hurtful situations are a drain on our body’s energy.  Experiences that hurt to remember are like tapes that keep playing over and over in our minds and affect us every day.  In addition, those people who star in those movies continue to have power over you, by your investment so much of your energy into the memory.

 What if you could change the feelings associated with those memories?

 Since I have spent time doing work to clear some of the “yuck” I was carrying around in my head, I am much more able to relax.  I can actually sit down at home and read a book now.  Just one year ago I could not do that.  I could never sit down at home.  I always needed to be doing something.

 Can you relax at home, or do you always need to be doing something?

 If you can’t let yourself relax, you need to take some steps to face what is going on in your head.  Journaling is very helpful.  Writing letters to the stars in your mental movies expressing all your feelings about what happened and then either tearing them up or burning them (DO NOT SEND THEM) is another way to change your perspective of those experiences. Traditional psychotherapy is another approach.

 The methods I have used to clear some of my yuck are EFT, Z Point, and ETHOS Method.  These are ways of working with the body’s energy to release those pent up frustrations, erase those tapes which are playing on unending loops, and altering the interpretation of the events, or the people involved.

 Anyone can benefit from these methods, and all of them can be done by yourself.  All you have to do is some initial research to learn how to do them.  However, sometimes it is helpful to have a practitioner who can guide you through the process, and shine a light into the dark corners of your mine that you don’t want to face by yourself.  Contact us if you need assistance!

 

© 2009 Freedom Healing and Wellness LLC

abstract:  Negative thoughts influence us every day.  What can we do to erase those negative thoughts?  Energy coaching can help.

 

By Kimberly Ruch-Alegant, Certified Energy Coach, and Owner of Freedom Healing and Wellness, LLC.  We offer individual and group energy coaching services in person and via telephone using EFT, Z Point, and ETHOS Method.  Find us on the web at www.FreedomHealingandWellness.com.  Telephone 215-357-6474.  We also offer introductory energy work classes.  Keynote speaking is available.


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