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Disappointment

[Posted February 8th, 2011] by KimRuchAlegant

How do you handle disappointment? I’ve been pondering this the last few days.  You probably know that in addition to being a coach I’m a lawyer who represents people who have been injured.  I was scheduled to start a trial on Monday, February 7th.  I spent the last two weeks preparing for this trial.  I was immersing myself in the case, only to find out the Friday before we were supposed to start that no judge was available.  Monday we found out the next possible trial date is in May.  What a let down!

I wanted this case to go to trial.  I have time and money invested in this case, and I would like there to be a conclusion.  Now I have at least three more months to wait, if not longer. 

So, how do I handle this?  First, I have to make my brain change gears.  This is taking a few days.  I was ready to work all weekend, and suddenly found I had the weekend free. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to watch the Superbowl.  I got to.  My disappointment is offset somewhat by the free time I now have.  So I am of two minds about this.  How do I reconcile these conflicting feelings?

How many times in life do situations happen which have both positive aspects and negative aspects?  All the time!  The old double-edged sword.  Something as major as death or divorce, or something as minor as the store not having the soda we wanted to buy can leave us feeling conflicted.  I’m sad that someone died, but happy that they are no longer in pain.  I will miss them, but I’m happy that I inherited money.  Someone may be happy to get out of a lousy marriage but feel bad because their children no longer have a nuclear family.  I wanted orange crush, but now I have to get ginger ale. Okay, maybe that’s no big deal.

So what are we to do when we feel happy and sad about something?  Conflicting feelings can lead to us feeling guilty about our feelings, which then makes us feel even more sad.  What’s a person to do?  How about some EFT/tapping?

Tapping can help resolve the conflicting feelings we have.  We may be upset because this particular event is reminding us of something which happened in the past.  If that is true, tap on today’s event and then tap on the event in the past.  Or you can tap on “I don’t know what this is reminding me of, but I choose to release these negative memories now.”

So let’s do some tapping on this:

-Think about a situation that you feel conflicted about.  Give it a name, like a movie title.

KC:  Even though I am disappointed and relieved at the same time about {title}, I deeply and completely accept myself.  Even though I wish I wasn’t conflicted about {title}, I love and accept myself anyway.  Even though I feel guilty about this conflict, I choose to start releasing the conflict now.

EB: I’m disappointed and relieved about {title}

SE:  I feel so conflicted

UE: How can I be happy and sad at the same time?

UN: What’s wrong with me?

CH: Am I crazy?

CB:  Maybe I can accept my craziness about {title}

UA: I wish I didn’t feel guilty and conflicted.

TH:  What if I could release this conflict?

 

EB: I’m ready to start releasing my conflicting feelings about {title}

SE:  I accept that I feel conflicted

UE: I forgive myself for being conflicted about {title}

UN: It’s normal to have conflicting feelings

CH: I accept who I am and how I feel

CB:  Feeling more relaxed about {title}

UA: I forgive myself for feeling guilty and conflicted.

TH:  I choose to accept myself anyway.

 

Take a deep breath.  Make sure you are hydrated.  How are you feeling now?  Did you remember what this present event reminds you of?  If so, do some more tapping.  If other feelings came to mind, tap on those feelings too. 

I think one of the biggest blessings that EFT has to offer is that it helps us to accept ourselves, warts and all.  Each of us could probably tap every single day on “Even though I’m not perfect, I love and accept myself anyway” and then using the reminder phrases “I’m not perfect” and “I love/accept myself anyway”.  What do you think?  Are you willing to try it for a week and see if you feel different at the end?    You could write in your journal how accepting you are of yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10.  Then do the tapping every day, and at the end of the week, check in and see where you are. I’d love to hear your results!


Holiday Stress

[Posted December 8th, 2010] by KimRuchAlegant

Related to, but separate from guilt, is stress from the holidays. We want to fit it all in and do it all right, but unless we clone ourselves, it’s usually impossible to do everything.  Take some time and do some tapping around your particular areas of stress.  Each of us stresses about different things.  I give you some suggestions below, but for you to feel relief, be sure you tailor the phrases to what you need to tap on.

Begin tapping:
KC:  Even though I feel stressed and out of control, I accept who I am and how I feel. Even though there is too much to do and not enough time to do it in, I love and accept myself anyway. Even though I’m worried they won’t love me if I don’t do it perfectly, I choose to feel calm and confident.
TH: I’m feeling so stressed, I’ll never get it all done
EB: I have to buy all the presents, and not spend too much money
SE: They won’t fell loved if I don’t get the right present
UE: I have to live up to their expectations
UN: There’s too much to do and not enough time to do it
CH: I don’t want to disappoint anyone
CB: The house is too messy
UA: I feel so disorganized!

Take a cleansing breath.  If you have more areas of stress, tap on them now.

KC: Even though I want to enjoy the holidays, I feel stressed right now.  Even though I have a lot to do, I choose to relax and enjoy myself too. I know this is a busy time of year, but I choose to be calm and relax this holiday season.
TH: It seems like everyone is stressed this time of year
EB: But I don’t have to buy into the frenzy
SE: I choose to be calm and confident in my holiday preparations
UE: I am going to enjoy this holiday season
UN: I manage myself and my time, and I choose to remain calm and relaxed
CH: I don’t need to do it all
CB: I am confident I can get done the necessities
UA: I intend to enjoy this holiday season

Take a cleansing breath.  Keep on tapping and breathing!


Christmas Guilt

[Posted December 8th, 2010] by KimRuchAlegant

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is it?  It seems to me that it CAN be the most wonderful, or the worst, time of the year.  It is fun to get together with friends and family (well, maybe on the family part).  It is fun to get out the decorations and the memories that go with them.  The special tree ornaments, or the decoration that someone who is no longer on the planet gave you can bring back fond memories.

But when we spend our time trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, the season can cause guilty feelings.  If the decorations have to be “just so” and the presents have to be “just right”, everyone in the family has to agree on the gathering, and all the food at the party has to be homemade, the guilt and stress just keeps piling on.

So, what can we do about this?  Tapping, of course!  I’ll suggest some tapping sequences. If you have areas of holiday guilt, I don’t mention, please do tap on those areas as well.

Begin tapping:
KC:  Even though I have to make everything perfect for Christmas, I love and accept myself.  Even though I must live up to everyone’s expectations, I accept who I am and how I feel.  Even though I drive myself crazy every year, I love and forgive myself anyway.
TH: If I don’t get it all perfect, I’ll feel guilty.
EB: I’m worried about doing everything just right
SE: They won’t like it if it’s not perfect
UE: It’s only a party if I make all the food myself
UN: I have to have the perfect presents
CN: I have to have the right clothes
CB: We all have to agree on when and where the family will get together
UA: If we don’t all agree it won’t be perfect

Take a deep cleansing breath.  If you have different areas of guilt, tap on them now.

KC: Maybe I can relax and enjoy the holidays this year.  What if I didn’t drive myself crazy? I choose to enjoy myself and my family this year without everything having to be perfect.
TH: What if I could relax?
EB: I can choose to relax and enjoy my holidays
SE: Everything can be good enough, it doesn’t have to be perfect
UE: I like enjoying the holidays
UN: I’m releasing my holiday stress now
CN: I’m doing my best, and that is enough
CB: Everything I do is enough
UA: I love enjoying this season!

Take a deep cleansing breath

Be sure to make time to be by yourself.  While the fun and crowds are great, we all need time to recharge our batteries too.


Feeling Guilty About Working and Leaving My Kids

[Posted July 19th, 2010] by KimRuchAlegant

I have a conflict-I want to work, I don’t want to work

I know I have felt conflict because I wanted or needed to be working, but I also wanted and needed to be with my children.  This leads to feeling very unfulfilled, because we are never present.  At work our thoughts are with our children and when with our children our thoughts are at work.  Or we feel like we are doing so many things, but we are not doing any of them well.  This leads to more guilt and frustration.

Below are some suggested tapping sequences for these feelings.  Feel free to change the wording for your particular situation, and to do the rounds more than once.  The more you tap, the more relief you will get.  I suggest you tap more on the positive aspects, unless you have some very powerful reactions to the negative aspects.  In that case, keep working on the negative until you feel you have processed it. (If you don’t know how to do this, click here for a video or here for a picture)

KC:  Even though I have this conflict, I want to work, want to be with my kids, I love and accept myself anyway Guilt feels so bad, I don’t want to feel it anymore, maybe I’m ready to let it go.  I accept who I am and how I feel.  Even though I feel the guilt in my body, I love and accept my body anyway

Tapping:
TH: These guilty feelings in my body
EB: If only I didn’t have to work-but I like to work, need to work, I spent all that time in school
SE: I feel guilty but I accept my feelings and they are okay
UE: I like my job but hate leaving my kids
UN: I’m so glad I don’t feel guilty anymore. Yeah right.  I still feel guilty.
CH: Don’t want to let go of my guilt bc I deserve to be punished for leaving them
CB: It’s safe to let go of the guilt. No, it’s not safe to get it go.
UA: I’m carrying around all this guilt because I work. Why do I have to work? Because I need the job. 
TH: My source wants me to give up my guilt.  I intend to get relief from my guilty feelings starting right now

Take a deep breath. Take a drink of water.

If particular thought, emotion or reaction came up, you should make a note of it, and then you can tap on it some more, making up your own phrases. Don’t get caught up in the language.  Just say what you feel, and you will begin working through the emotions.  Once you’re ready, move on to the sequences below.

POSITIVE TAPPING:
TH: I deserve to have what I want!
EB: I can imagine having what I want
SE: I allow myself to have what I want
UE: I can work if I want to
UN: I don’t need to feel guilty about this anymore. 
CB: I like working, and that’s okay
UA: If I let it go, something might change
TH: My kids have turned out pretty damn good
EB: Their faults are their own, they are not because I work
SE: I am enough, there is enough, I’m doing enough
UE: I’m doing the best I can and it is enough
UN: I forgive me, him, her
CB: I accept responsibility for going to work.  It is not damaging my children.
UA: I love feeling good about working
TH: I’m okay just how I am. I accept who I am and how I feel. I love this freedom to feel good.

Take a deep breath. Take a drink of water.  Try to do a couple of tapping rounds each and every day.  If you tap while going to the bathroom, it will help keep you feeling good throughout the day.  You don’t need to say anything.  But you can spend time working with words as well.  Just don’t let the words stop you from tapping.

To register for our "Release Mommy Guilt and Get Your Life Back", click here


Turning Passion Into Profit

[Posted March 15th, 2010] by KimRuchAlegant

Last week I attended a three day seminar titled “Turning Your Passion Into Profit”.  It was all about effectively using the law of attraction to get what you want, by using energy healing tools to release your resistance to having what you want. These group retreats are very powerful, and I highly recommend that when one speaks to you, you sign up and attend.  The moment I saw the description for this weekend I knew I was going to go.  I have been feeling a bit stuck in the slow growth of my law firm, and I knew this retreat would help me blow away those barriers. 

 

I think I got way more than I bargained for.

 

I came home with my chakras wide open, and ready to take on the world!

 

Part of the reason I got so much out of the weekend was because I sent an intention before I went that it was going to be a life changing experience for me.  I had been to two weekend EFT seminars before.  I got a lot out of them, but was not ready to take the big leaps forward.  This time I was ready.

 

One thing that is so powerful about participating in a group is that you access things that maybe working by yourself would not be ready to come up yet.  It is not always fun, but facing our inner demons (or resistance or limiting beliefs or whatever you want to call them) rarely is.

 

For instance, I realized through someone else’s processing that I was born with some kind of imprint that “I can’t have what I want”.  I could write a whole book with examples from my entire life to date of how I ALMOST get what I want, but usually fall short in some way.  Or if I get what I want, I figure out a way to mess it up.  This has been my own personal self sabotage.  Well, I’ve been using various energy techniques on this since I discovered it, and I think I am DONE with that limiting belief!

 

Now I’d like to share with you some of the powerful take aways I got from the weekend.  Bob Doyle, one of the thought leaders in the Law of Attraction field (he appeared in the movie The Secret), was one of the leaders of the weekend.  He gave an impromptu 30 minute talk one of the days that was incredibly powerful for me.  I jotted down what I thought were the most important words of wisdom that he shared.  In later blog entries I will share what I remember of his explanation and my interpretation of it.

 

Bob Doyle said:

Be Your Authentic Self

Learn How to Play (and by your own rules)

Reconnect to Your Sense of Passion

 

So, ponder what those phrases mean to you, and I will write about what they mean to me.  Let’s start a conversation.


Tapping Away Stress

[Posted May 28th, 2009] by KimRuchAlegant

Our inner critic.  Our negative self talk.   The vivid memory of a parent yelling at us, or   hitting us.  The movie which plays on the screen of our mind where our teacher embarrassed us in front of the whole class.  Do any of these sound familiar to you?  And I don’t mean because you read about them in a book sometime, but because these things live inside of you.  If you read those words and thought-yeah, I’ve got that-you have something which can be helped by energy coaching or healing.  The whole premise of coaching is that each of us is perfect the way we are (that brings up more issues for some people!).  But each of us also has had experiences which continue to have an impact on us today, even years after the actual incident happened.  If that impact was positive, like some important tidbit of advice that has served us well, it is great to keep enjoying the help or comfort the experience brought us.  But if an experience was painful, maybe some healing or a change of perspective could occur which would make a big difference in our lives. 

In my work with energy healing, I have worked with people who have pain in a particular part of their body.  When I ask them “If this pain had an emotional cause, what would it be?”  they usually have an immediate answer, but then spend the next few minutes telling me everything they have done to heal themselves from this emotional issue.  But as we continue to discuss the issue while tapping, it becomes obvious by their reaction, whether it be tears or anger, that the issue has not been healed, and there is more work to be done.

Well, you say, I don’t have any pain in my body, so I must not need energy healing.  So I ask you, do you ever suffer from headaches, depression, anxiety?  Ever feel totally stressed?   Ever just feel cranky and you really don’t know why?  If you don’t, you may be right that you don’t need energy healing!  Congratulations!  But if you do, there may be something buried inside you (or should I say stuck, or disrupting your energy?) which could benefit from healing.

So how can you figure out what it is you may want to heal? There are lots of different ways.  Let’s think about one of them now.  Start by tapping while you think about areas of your life which are causing you stress right now.  Start making a list.  EFT or tapping is a wonderful self-help technique that you can do all by yourself.  When issues are buried or stuck a practitioner is helpful, but the wounds that are close to the surface are easily treated on your own.

Back to the list.  As you look at the list, consider what areas of stress have been a recurrent theme in your life.  I don’t necessarily mean the same argument you have with your child or spouse, but over the long stretches of time in your life, what keeps happening over and over? (Of course, we’re talking bad stuff, not good stuff.  It’s great when good stuff keeps happening over and over!)

If the same type of thing which you don’t like has happened to you more than once, maybe some healing would help.  Do you constantly get in a relationship with the same type of person, and this person is toxic to you?  Do you constantly get fired from your jobs?  Do your friends always take advantage of you?  Start tapping on the most recent incident of whatever it is in your life that keeps being repeated.  While you are tapping, it is best to talk out loud about the incident, and particularly what your feelings are around the incident, and what it reminds you of.

Pay special attention to what it reminds you of.  Do you get back to that chastising parent or embarrassing teacher situation?  If so, continue tapping on that specific incident.  How did it look, how did you feel-say out loud as much detail as possible.  The more detail you can bring up here, the more likely you are to begin healing or releasing the incident.  It is this releasing that is going to change your life from here on out.  Once you release something you have been carrying around, it is gone.  It is no longer affecting you, and you should no longer attract that situation into your life.  You will be free to move on and attract different situations!  So, what are you waiting for?


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